I probably shouldn’t have jumped into the school boat this semester. I knew I had a lot of work to do at the College of Business, but I thought I could manage school too. I think, that was a big mistake.

Ashley, my girlfriend, noticed I need a lot of transition time between subjects. And, although I wish it didn’t seem that way, I’m starting to admit it’s pretty true. Switching between school, then work, then school and work again caused me to forget a lot of easy things to remember between them, throughout the semester.

And so, I’m left with now, stuggling to break even. I wish I wasn’t, but I am. I hope to make it out of this semester with a 2.5 GPA, hoping I do well in Psychology and Biology, where Ethics (haha) and Geography have mainly suffered.

And, worse, it’s my fault. I was a bit careless with the “execution” of a couple situations, a few days I probably shouldn’t have skipped, but did because of work. I guess, if I look back I did everything I did for a greater causes, like writing madness in notebooks about God, hanging out with my Ashley, trying my best to at least complete what I could do, coffee breaks and overall sanity.

And so, I hope to just set up next semester a little better. Separate school days, and separate work days for better transition time. Fewer hours working, twelve hours at school, versus the fifteen I did this semester. Get my weekends back, etc.

So, I really hope I don’t have another semester like this one. This one has been the worst, so far.

Quixotism is the description of a person or an act that is caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals. It also serves to describe an idealism without regard to practicality. An impulsive person or act can be regarded as quixotic.

Quixotism is usually related to “over-idealism”, meaning an idealism that doesn’t take the consequences into account. It is also related to naïve romanticism and to utopianism.

I just want to say something about this, before I get started on my paper. I was describe as this today, and I think I can really see where she was coming from; in fact I’m quite happy (kind-of) she told me that. I’ve always wondered how I came across to people.

Caught up in the romance of noble deeds, yes I am very much so. Pursuit of unreachable goals, so was Martin Luther King and Jesus. Having ideas with no regard to practicality: my ongoing struggle. It’s true, I don’t come up with ideas, by letting practicality get in the way and stop them, in fact the practicality of an idea is what helps me perfect it; it’s the beauty of what I do, I think. I come up with a really ‘dreamy’ idea, and then I let practicality chip away at it and turn it into a real-life answer.

Maybe that’s me in a nutshell, a Quixotist with the aim to be practical. Thanks Iris

But, I’m not very good [right now] at writing what I believe [I think], although I know and am sure about what I believe, I’m not quite sure I am done studying it. I’m not sure I know the right way to go about sharing it, I find what I write is not quite like what I speak - and it’s confusing, even to me.

The point is, I’m not ready [it's just not the time] - so I’ve taken down what I have written so far. And, I may even start over again using a Podcast or Video format or something. I’m actually not really sure what I am going to do to share what I believe. I’m not really sure why I am compelled to insist that what I know God is, is the proper way. And, I am still so frustrated that no one asks - that I am judged instead, but I understand.

I feel like I need to take some time to think about what I will share, how I should share it. I love being given truth, and it changes a lot, but it’s all based on what I believe about God, as I feel I know what God truly is. And, I feel I will find it evident in any religion, any science, anything that is put in contrast to what I believe God really is. And,

For now, it’s back to my notebook, but if you want go ahead and ask…

Now that I [think] I have one, I’m starting all over; at school at least. I walked into the Advising Center three months ago a junior with an undeclared major and an Associates in Graphic Design, which to this day I am still wondering what it’s purpose is.

I’m currently declared a Psychology major, but as I take more and more classes, guided by some purpose to help human-kind, I am finding things I am most interested in. So, I can see the event of switching majors a lot starting to happen.

• Biology
• Theology, Philosophy and Religious Studies
• Psychology
• Physics

Generally I am interested in Life in general - and since I believe Life, God and Truth are all the same, I am fascinated by all sorts of different areas. But now, I have some direction.

Rather then love, and money and faith, and fame, and fairness give me truth; and let it show me God.

I’m not necessarily looking for some degree, I really am in school to simply learn. If I could quadruple-major, I would. I just want to go to school, live a simple life, love my friends and help everyone and all things see clearer. 

But I am just a little discouraged, because I am starting in a new place all of a sudden - I feel like a freshman in Life, although the feeling of fascination with my future is a good one. I am also a little worried, I really (really) want to remain in school. I don’t care about that big time job, or huge salary. I just want to keep going to school, learning and sharing what I see; and I’m not sure how to get that.

I wish I could find some way to create that kind of life for myself, actually I’m just really hopeful for it. I’m just a little anxious, so if you have a hug to spare. 

Also, I want to take a moment to apologize for anyone who has been offended by what I write here. I am not aiming to offend, and I have edited and taken care to the things I have noticed that I did not mean to word in that way. 

I write pretty freely, sometimes I say things like, “I insist people live by these ways…” But, what I really mean is, that I wish people would - that sometimes I wish I could insist, and people would trust me and listen. But, I know that has nothing to do with me, but with those that do listen. So, if I offended you, I hope I have combed through and am a little more clear, and less jarring.

As I was browsing around the folders on my server, while trying to fix the TinyMCE editor in Wordpress, I may have been a little careless; and deleted my wp-contents folder. Basically, that folder had all my content from my old site in it.

So, along side of the new content I was putting on The Way, I decided to just combine the two. So my personal blog or Journal will be presented along-side my The Way content.

I was having an issue with attributing my beliefs with myself, but I guess in all truth they really are. So, the main subject of the site will be about my beliefs, or what I call The Way; simply because I can’t think of anything else to call it. But, it will include some personal Journal type entries, like how my day went, etc - from time to time.

So, here’s to starting off new: This is my nephew, Aiden Aubrey Portwood:

Being compassionate isn’t enough, you have to be willing to sacrafice.